Ode to the Fan
Ode to the Fan: The January sun, a brassy bastard, beat down on KZN. Even the Umzimkulu River, usually a lazy, brown ribbon, simmered, the stench of sewage rising in sickly plumes. Municipal strikes, a predictable summer ritual, had crippled the town. Water pumps groaned to a halt, toilets overflowed, and raw sewage, a pungent offering to the gods of incompetence, seeped into the river.
Life, for those who lived along its banks, became a symphony of suffering. The heat, a relentless metronome, hammered away at their sanity. Load shedding, another gift from the benevolent hand of government, plunged them into darkness, the air thick with the buzz of mosquitoes and the mournful croaking of unseen swamp creatures.
The fan, oh blessed fan, became their saviour, a fragile shield against the onslaught. Its whirring blades, a desperate counterpoint to the suffocating stillness. But even the fan, a humble guardian, succumbed. The power cuts, merciless and frequent, rendered it impotent, leaving them gasping for air, sweat plastering their bodies, the heat a malevolent entity, intent on their demise.
The government, those distant, faceless bureaucrats, remained oblivious. Their pronouncements, empty platitudes echoing through the ether, offered no solace. They spoke of service delivery, of infrastructure upgrades, of a brighter future, while the river choked, the people sweltered, and the mosquitoes feasted.
The people, however, found solace in the absurd. They named the river “The Great Unflushed,” a grim jest that mirrored their own despair. They fashioned makeshift fans from cardboard and string, their laughter a fragile echo in the face of their predicament. They cursed the government with the fervour of a thousand suns, their voices rising in a cacophony of frustration and disbelief.
And so, they endured these resilient souls, clinging to the hope that the sun would eventually set, that the power would flicker back to life, that the fan, their faithful companion, would once again spin its magic, offering a fleeting reprieve from the suffocating embrace of summer and the incompetence of their government.
Disclaimer: This is a fictionalized account. The views expressed are satirical and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the author.
Sardines and Sighting Maps
It has been a fantastic sardine run this memorable 2024. And all the action has been logged right here on The Sardine News. This year’s map has been viewed 200 000 times and just keeps growing.
Which led us to decide to keep the map live. And keep adding unique marine animal sightings and events. That occurs non-stop all year round. This year we started to log more whale and dolphin sightings. And we even had a shipwreck! And a freaking tornado! And recently a capsized KZNSB boat! We have been updating the map with recent catches too…
These events will from now on be included in the Sardine News Sightings Map for 2024. And in January 2025, we shall start all over again.
Coming soon!
Here are the links to existing and past Sardine Sighting Maps. Great for a windy day like today to research. With instructions to install The Sardine News right on your phone or desktop.
2024 Sardine Map
2023 Sardine Map
2021 Sardine Map
Channels
Brucifire Surf Retorts – highly entertaining surf reporting
Master Watermen – news from way down deep
The Sardine News – neva miss a single sardine
FishBazaruto – 1000 pounds plus
MYDO Tackle Talk – highly technical sport fishing
Surf Launching Southern Africa – getting out there safely
Water Woes – complain about your municipality here
Websites
umzimkulu.co.za – self-catering right on the Umzimkulu River
umzimkuluadrenalin.co.za – will get you right out and onto the edge
thesardine.co.za – never miss a single sardine
masterwatermen.co.za – news from under water
fishbazaruto.com – dreams
brucifire.co.za – surf retorts
